Hello 2011!

It is exactly 7.52 pm according to my computer's watch and I am just 4 hours and 8 minutes away from welcoming 2011. Yey! Hello '11!

2010 is such an overloaded year with all the changes and new things that I encountered. There's my graduation from my beloved high school and saying see you to my dear batch mates. When June came, I then faced college with a big smile despite my doubts and fears of it. One of the hardest parts of going to college is not being able to see most of my friends (yes, you're right, my high school batch mates) as often as I saw them when we were in high school. Also, having to live far from my family and experiencing how it is to be independent add to the challenges I faced this 2010. There are so many things in my life that bid goodbye, said see you and greeted me hello for all of the 365 days of 2010 and they made this year pretty exciting.

I don't have resolutions for 2011 because one of the things I hate the most is promises not being fulfilled. So I just wish for some things to happen instead of making them my resolutions so that I would not pressure myself to do them since I know I probably won't.

My eleven for 2011:

1. Eat more. Be fat. My body refuses to get fat (I know I'm really thin so I won't add the suffix -er to fat) and no matter how much I eat and how piggish I become, it just would not cooperate. Dear body, please please please get fat this 2011. I would love to have some more belly and to experience what it feels like to be chubby.
2. Be an angel. (>:D) I am already an angel! (Really?) What I mean is that I want to be more of an angel this year and spread some more love to everyone who is a part of my life. Weee. :)
3. Stop procrastinating! Do my assignments the day it is given to me. Study a little everyday so I would not have to cram when exams start to pop up. Can I seriously do this? I wish.
4. Be more organized. Clean my room every day. Whaaaaaaaat?! Aaah.. :|
5. Be more responsible. Every little decision I make I know will have an effect on my life. So this 2011, I will try to be a man (haha, yea!) and face the consequences of my every choice. I would also stay away from the things that may lead to something terribly bad. Like walking on a tightrope hanging from the 18th floor of a building while juggling and balancing a knife on the tip of my tongue.
6. Gain more friends. Everything in college is so temporary like the semestral change of classes and classmates. But it is still fun to have a new friend in every class I will have. At least, I would have someone to ask for assignments and lessons in case I need to absent or I just want to cut classes. Speaking of..
7. Stop cutting classes! Stop cutting classes. Stop cutting classes. Stop cutting classes...
8. Love more, hate less. Even if I super hate some people existing in this world (like my older brother), I would try (again, try) to forgive and let things pass as long as I can handle the fire burning inside my head. I also wish for these people (like my older brother) to stop being such assholes and be nicer to me. Let's help each other and the world gain some more peace and loving, shan't we?
9. Be an OBEM (Organization of Business Economics Majors) member. Up until now, I am not yet sure if I really want to join an organization but I am sure that I want to finish the app process. I am not afraid of the app process but I fear the life of an org member because of the extra activities that will add up to the academic requirements. But the present org members promise to help us if we have problems in our acads and it would really help if they do. All I can say is, OBEM, here I come!
10. Get higher grades. Study more. Get away from procrastination. Stop cutting classes. And what do I get? Higher grades! Yeeeey! Higher GWA please. -___-
11. And lastly, try to fulfill the other 10 listed above.

I don't wish for something grand. I don't long for impossible things. All I really want for 2011 is to stay happy with all the people I love. And of course, to spend every day smiling and laughing about every little beautiful thing.

8.31 on the clock, 3 hours and 29 minutes left before 2011 shows up. Let's all enjoy saying hi to 2011. Happy new year guys! See you next post. :)

Wishes do (not) come true.

I thought this Christmas would be really fun. But it isn't that way. I'm talking about this year's Christmas break and my expectations of this season weren't meant. Like, more peace at home. More time to relax and to enjoy before school works start to pile up again. More bonding moments with my friends and my family. More reasons to be happy of this year. But it seems like 2010 would not end the way I want it to. No, it would not just because.

I can't say I am the problem or the problem is me. Besides, I am not the only person making me feel this way. Or maybe it really is my problem that I blame everyone about what I'm currently feeling. Everything just seems so unfair. Like, I don't get through a day without someone noticing a mistake, recognizing a fault, pointing at something I did wrong. It feels like I am a paper with something written on one half while the other is spotless white. Everybody wants to write something but they keep on noticing the dirty half of me and not the one which is clean and can be written on. I feel so useless with everybody counting on the things I do and I cannot do and limiting me with things I don't want to do rather than letting me do what I want and compromising with what they want.

That is exactly what I feel now. I know that the reason for this season is not for me to be happy for myself but for me to be happy for Him, because He came here to save us all. But how can I be truly happy when the people I want to share this season with makes me feel unwanted, makes me think that I'm not a part of them?

People have so many wishes during the Yule season. They wish for more parties, more sales, more food, more money, more material things that are not the essence of why we celebrate Christmas. For me, I only wish to celebrate the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ with the people I love so much, my family. But how can I celebrate when they keep on casting me away? Maybe I am casting myself away, pushing myself farther from them. But I am so tired of understanding and coping and letting them win over something which isn't even a fight.

There are some days left for the season before school starts again. We even have a reunion a day before New Year's Eve. I just wish that my wish come true. And make myself believe that wishes do not come true.

Doing nothing is doing something

Hey there. I haven't written anything for a while. My last post was like weeks ago. And I said there that I'll be posting something of interest for my readers. But wtf, my good friend told me that my blog is for myself. This is my own webby diary. The only difference is that I am making whatever I write here for the eyes of anyone who wants to read it unlike in a conventional diary, I wouldn't let anyone touch it. So, here I am. Writing for myself again.

I still haven't brought back my creative juices. It's like a month now that I don't feel any creative civilization living inside my body. I am not into anything that needs creativity for now (except for making stars which I'll share later on and for writing blogs and editing photos). But I miss the feeling of seeing something creative in any little thing I find interesting. And besides, my dictionary seems to shut down along with my creative head. Just like now while I'm making this post, I've been using the backspace quite frequently because I can't find the right words to fit the ideas cooking up inside me.

I planned to visit my blog and my tumblr more often this Christmas break but I don't feel like doing so because of my creative drought. So, I am spending my time fb-ing and twitter-ing (if I think there's something interesting going on with my life, which is not happening, so not much twitter really) and making stars. What stars am I talking about? Well, this is my secret power I've been keeping for a very long time and whoever is reading this now is very lucky because now you know I can make stars with my hands. Nice joke, did not even make myself laugh. What I mean by making stars is that I get some pieces of paper (with the ROYGBIV colors plus white), draw some equal vertical lines (which may look horizontal depending on the orientation of the paper), cut the pieces of paper along these lines (with my ultra sharp scissors, yeah!), make a loop at one end of the cut paper (which will make the end look like a pentagon), fold the paper along the sides of the pentagon (then insert the other end of the paper to lock it, oh fuck I think no one will get what I'm trying to say) and lastly, pinch the sides of the pentagon to make the star. If you don't get it, boohoo. If yes, hurray! You can try it if you have nothing better to do just like me. I am planning to make 1000 stars and give them to someone who doesn't even have a Christmas gift for me (or maybe it's just late, I don't really care if that person has a gift for me or not). My Christmas break becomes more special because of these stars..NOT.

During the last week of classes for the year 2010, I had a field trip to different churches in Bulacan (Philippines). But I wasn’t able to enjoy the 800-peso trip. The reason is, I'm a Christian but I am not really a religious person. If you don't see the difference, better ask my dad to explain because I suck in differentiating the two. There's a park across one of the churches where they keep a very huge, enormously huge, snake. The locals said that the snake eats five chickens a day. I even thought I'll fit myself inside it because it is really really big. Also, the last Monday of the last week of classes before Christmas break had a Math exam on it. I am so contented with my score (1.5, yeah!) given the fact that I wasn't able to study seriously. Last week was also carefree because I only had Math (7-8 am) as my only class. The professors are so generous in giving us free cuts. Hurray for their Christmas gifts for us!

What else, what else? Yesterday was the 22nd day of December and guess what? It's another special day for me and him! (Yeah, he’s the guy I have been posting about a few times here in my blog) Yey for us! 29 months and still counting. He visited me and we had a little bonding time with my five-year-old brother Maron. After that, we went out and saw some friends (Gab and Eeia) at SM San Pablo. We went to Ultimart and played some arcade games and watched a mime dance. Then to Sampaloc Lake to see it so beautiful at night. Well, no one can see the floating garbage when it's dark. After that, we went back to my house and after some more bonding time with Maron, he said goodbye. Yipee! Happy days, I just wish they won't end.

Another thing that makes me happy this Christmas break is our ref. It is so full of fooooood. I should have been fatter if our ref is always this full. Why do we prepare yummy things only during the Yule season? More foods please! More foods during the rest of the year.

Overstuffed. This post is overstuffed. Guess I miss telling my stories during my absence. I was also able to practice my “free writing” skills (if there are some) here. Oh, creative writing. :| I'll try to post more during the break (before school works pop up again). Bye for now. See you next post guys. :)

Midnight Madness

It is 12:14 according to my watch. I'm dreadfully sleepy but I can't help writing now when something within me is pushing me to. Actually, I don't really feel like writing because of this prof I have in my Creative Writing class. She makes me feel like I'm a no-good writer and I should stop writing before I become the cause of the extinction of writers. I know that she makes me feel like that so I can improve on my writing. But seriously, I'm contented with how I write already. And I just took this class so I can show off my writing skills, if I have such.

Anyways, I've been reading some blogs and I found out that I don't write for my followers. I had been writing for myself and I've been doing this ever since. Well, some of my blogs are for other people but most of them (like 95% of my blogs) are just for me. I am using this blog as an outlet of my feelings so I think I am the only one who really understands the heck I am writing. I think I'll be posting blogs which relate to the general public in case someone is serious in reading what I am putting in here.

My mind is asleep by 11pm so I guess the writing-for-others-and-not-for-myself-only won't start now. Maybe I'd be writing something before I head back to QC tomorrow. Think I should be sleeping now and saving my energy for who knows what. So, this is it for now. I'll try to improve my writing ability and to write something of interest for the readers. Oh well.

Goodnight for now! I mean, Good mornight! See you next time. ;)

Yeah.

I'm tired of pretending that it's okay but I can't help it. I guess I hurt twice when I get mad. I mean, if I don't talk to him, the pain doubles. Can you get it? Like I'd rather swallow my pride and keep the hell I'm feeling than ignore him until I feel better. Cause I know I will never feel better if I ignore him. He's so passive that I often feel I am so bad, I always hurt him and things like that. But when I really think about it, I'm the one who just makes things pass. Okay, it's not his fault that he does not know anything about being a boyfriend when we started. But after two years? Shouldn't he be more sensitive about what I feel? And shouldn't he know by now when I need something from him? Like attention, and time, and effort. It's not like I'm counting what I can do for him and what he cannot do for me. I'm just a seventeen year old girl who needs those things from her boyfriend like any other seventeen year old girls.

So if he reads this, I'm dead. He's going to get emo and say sorry and such. But I don't need any sorry's from him because he did not do anything wrong in the first place. I just want him to balance things out. And not make me feel like I'm doing more. Shouldn't I be doing that for myself? I don't really know.

All I have to do is shut up and let this pass. And try to make me love myself more so I won't feel terrible. Gooosh. The end.

Blaaaah

I really need my creative mind right now but it seems to be sleeping. I have these two things I need to do that requires creativity but my mind would not just cooperate. First is that free writing about Christmas for my CW 10 class and the other is the Pride Board for our Pride Night in our dorm. I can't think of anything to write for CW 10 and it freaks me out especially that our prof makes me feel like I'm a no-good writer. Gooood. Please help me awe her with my writing skills if I have some. That only talent I'm really proud of went poof cause of my prof. This pride board I hate because I don't feel like doing it. Why? Just because. I don't know what's happening to me. I'm turning into a..a..I don't know. I can't even find the right word to represent what I feel. Gotta end this blabber. Bye guys.

What is mourning?

It's like a five year old girl looking for her daddy
Then turning to the right and seeing his coffin
It's trying to tell her he's up there in heaven
But it will take her a lifetime to see him again.

It's like witnessing a house light up and burn down
And watching the ashes scatter around
It's looking for water so you can help out
Then realize that it is the middle of a drought.

It's like trying to shout every held up feeling
But no one seems to hear a thing
It's kneeling to the floor and crying and cursing
But everyone does not care about what they're seeing.

It's waking up in the morning to find out he's gone
And trying to feel his warmth but there is none
It's remembering the embrace of that one man
Just to open your eyes to see an empty hand.

It's holding onto the past 'cause that's all you've got
And hating the present 'cause nothing feels right
It's fearing the future for more or's and but's
But still waking up just to see all end and rot.

Kind of imitated from one of my CW 10 classmates. Her poem's really good so I was inspired to write something the same. :P

Seventeen

I'll be turning seventeen on Tuesday, November 30. And for all those seventeen years, there's this one person who has always been there to support and guide me. I can't say that I've been good to her all the time. In fact, I often give her headaches. But still, she never left my side and even watched my every step as I become the person I am now. I know you're guessing who I'm talking about by now. Yes you're right, she is my mom.


She is the best mom for me (as your mom is for you, I know). She may not be my ideal mother but who gets their ideal people in their lives anyway? So no matter how many good mothers are out there who I think are closer to the ideal, I would still choose my mom over them. 'Cause she's the best!

But me? I never appreciated all the things she does. Not until now. Not until I saw how good a mother she is and how much she is willing to sacrifice for me, for us, her children. Just like any mother I know, she does her best to provide us with all we need, with all she has. With my dad (who is a really great father too), my mom establishes not only a house but a home. What makes what they do special is that they are doing it for us. For our family.

With that, my mom becomes more special because..

She may sometimes look like she does not hear a thing I say, but I know she is listening to every word I utter. She may be looking somewhere else when I need her to look at me, but I know she sees every thing and every move I make. She may seem like she's thinking about everything else when I want her to think about me, but I know I can find myself in her heart even if her mind's occupied.

And with my seventeenth birthday coming up (goodbye sweet sixteen!), I want to share this special day with her and of course, my family, friends and all the people who have been there all those years. I want to celebrate my life with the person who gave me this life in the first place.

So, I want to thank you mom for giving me this life. Thank you for carrying me in your tummy for nine months. Thank you for breastfeeding me when I was a baby. Thank you for being there when I smiled my first smile. Thank you for guiding me when I made my first step. Thank you for hearing the first word I said. Thank you for being patient when I had my tantrums. Thank you for disciplining me when I did something wrong. Thank you for being there in my first day of school. Thank you for supporting me in every decision I make. Thank you for molding me to become me. Thank you for still being there no matter how hard-headed I am. Thank you for not leaving me even if I become stupid sometimes. Thank you for this day (November 26) for surprising me with a very pleasant surprise. Thank you for giving me everything that I need and want.

And lastly, thank you for loving me just the way I am. (When I see your face..Haha, just kidding.) I love you so much mom! And to my dad, I love you too Pa! Thank you God for giving me such wonderful people as my parents.

I love everyone who loves me. Happy birthday to me! :)

28 months old

Guess what? It's our 28th 22 tomorrow! Yey! Ok, I know we are the only people excited with this but just say 'yey!' for me! YEY! Haha. Every month, I always see to it that I think of something to give him. Well, it just started when we turned 2 years old. This time, I made a collage of our pictures, kind of edited it and put on some texts to make it look like this..

If you can't read what the text on the middle part is, it just says 'Happy Monthsarry'. Ce and Cee is what we call each other because they stand for fiance and fiancee. We call each other Nini before because we thought it's really unique. But we found out that his friend and his friend's girlfriend are calling each other that too. So we changed it to Ce and Cee! Just like to share. :)

So, I was making this 'gift' for him. I thought of posting this tomorrow (22!) because it's really our monthsarry but he has a class and I'm going back to Diliman tomorrow anyway so I posted it now. He said he was surprised with what I did and I was surprised that he is surprised. I think this is just a little thing to be surprised of. But still, I am so happy that we are already 28 months old (and still counting). Haha. I also love to make him happy with everything I do for him. He even told me he is so lucky to have me so he'll never let me go. Sheeez. Sweet. :)

Super cheesy blog! Haha. See you. ♥

Rant.

We keep on hurting the people who love us because we know that they will still be there no matter what.


I've been thinking about this line I saw somewhere on Tumblr. And I believe I must agree on what this line says. Does it apply to me? I think so. I am so lucky to have many people love me the way I am. I am blessed to have a super loving family, a bunch of cool and trustworthy friends and a caring boyfriend who are all there whenever I need them. But what do I do? I keep doing things that hurt them. I know that I don't deserve having these people in my life with me being irrational and numb sometimes, well, most of the times. But I think God gave me these people just to show me that life is great and beautiful and will always be that way no matter what happens. They also help me to become better. I'm still young so I know that I will outgrow whatever shitty things I am doing now. And by the time I become a better me, the best me, these people will still be there and I'll happily reciprocate every help, every kind word, every advice and every little thing they gave me.

Being a little dramatic tonight? Haha. Next time. :)

Happily Never After

She used to not care about anything around her. People come and go, things fade from the horizon. The sun rises then sinks after everyday.

But one thing changed her. One person came that made her see the world she never gave notice. She saw what she never saw before. She felt what like an impossible feeling. After living an empty life except for herself and only herself, she began to feel everything all at once. Love, hope, serenity.

But change is the only constant thing in this world. Everything comes then goes and fades. Everything within reach will be out of our bounds sooner than later. Everything possible happening now will become an impossible reality.

He said hello then waved goodbye. One second she was falling in love, now she is breaking into pieces. A promise of forever turned into a mere sentence. Everything she thought was possible went back into impossibilities. She was again left alone in an empty world with only herself. She was back inside..alone.

She did not expect to fall so hard only to find herself broken on the floor. He said he would be there ready to catch her anytime. But he did not stay. He was not there when she needed him most. Just like any other thing in her life, he was gone in an instant. He dissolved to the stars she would never reach. He vanished, she lost him. And he will never be there anymore. He will not come back.

As she lay on the floor thinking about everything that happened, every stupid belief, every broken promise, the thought of being alone struck her. Now she knows he'll never hold her again in her arms. She'll never touch his face anymore. They can never look at each other's eyes again for what felt like an eternity. They will never kiss each other again like it's the last day of the entire universe. She never believed in fairy tales but he made her. And now, their happily ever after, her forever, turned into happily never after.

As the sun rested in the horizon readying itself to go to sleep, she stood. She look at the sun touching the cheek of the sea. She already had enough of everything leaving her. She has herself. She'll love herself like no other has ever loved her.

She stared at the sea and the sun, took a deep breath and said, I'll never let another teardrop fall as the skies turned blue and the stars appeared blinking at her endlessly.

Came up with this when I listened to Happily Never After of Nicole Scherzinger. Just wanted to write something before I go back to school. Thanks for reading! See you next post. :)

BV's eating me.

I've been sound tripping to bring back my GV. Good vibes! GV. GV. GV. GV. GV. But this feeling of being pissed off won't go away. Thank God it became less when I talked with my bestest friends. GV! Why am I annoyed anyway? Just because. No, kidding. I saw something that put the red lights on. I'm not really this jelly when HE talks to girls but with this one, I don't know. It really pisses me off when they talk like that. It's not bad to be friendly but friendliness is very different from flirting. They both start with the letter F just like food, feet or fuck but they are found on two opposite poles of their meanings.

1. Friendly (frend-lee) - characteristic of or befitting a friend; showing friendship.
2. Flirt (flurt) - to court triflingly or act amorously without serious intentions; play at love; coquet

See the big fucking difference? So if you are being friendly, why are you acting like you're flirting instead? Oh God, I can express what I'm feeling right now if I speak Filipino. But just to be decent (and to hold myself from exploding like a crazy war freak), I'm writing this in English. You know what, you look nice (like me) so for your (and my) benefit, I'm not gonna start a stupid fight. I've seen so many girls like you before so don't tell me I'm getting this wrong. No I'm fucking not. Okay? He is in a relationship just like his relationship status in Facebook. He has a girlfriend. He is taken. If you don't understand what I'm saying, I think you don't deserve to be in UP. 'Cause Maroons are really freakin smart and not getting what I'm telling here is kind of being dumb.

I'm not a war freak. I don't say things if I don't have to. Just stop flirting with him. He's mine. Get it? Hope you do.

This is one stupid blog and I hate it. Don't read it! Oh well, by now you probably read all that I wrote here already. Am I acting stupid? Maybe. Maybe I'm just imitating y..Oh crap, I should shut the hell up. Now done. Next blog guys.

(GV! GV! GV! GV! GV!)

Just wondering..

How much can you give someone you love? Are you willing to give everything you have? Dramatic first lines? I know. I was just thinking about things I am willing to and was able to sacrifice for the people I love. I know I've been unfair in giving a little part of my heart to everyone I love. I gave more to someone than another. And I was wondering if I made a smart choice in doing so. What if I showed my love more to my parents by obeying them before rather than telling them lies just to be with my friends? What if I did this than that? But I thought, mistakes are useless if you look at them as regrets. Instead, mistakes should be tools to grow, to learn, to make up, to be better.

I've been giving everything I can to this boy I really love. I don't regret giving him my attention and time. What I don't realize is that I've been neglecting other important people in my life, like my friends. I have this amazing friend whom I feel like I know my whole life even though we just met in high school. We have been best friends since second year high school up until now. But we are not like we were before. Things do change, even our relationships with the people around us. This girl and I may still be best friends but we are not that close anymore. I have this feeling that we are drifting apart.

Last night, we talked online about our feelings towards our friendship. During the past four years of our relationship, many things happened which may have caused our growing apart. Different interests are one reason why we feel like we're not that close anymore. My relationship with my boyfriend is another because like what I said, I've been giving him as much attention and time as I can to him. I never knew that she had been keeping things from me. Like why she seems to be going away from me. And it hurts to know just now that I have been responsible for these things. We have so many things we wished we did together but never had because we were keeping things from each other. In fact, we were giving each other things that we thought were best for one another. What we don't know is that being together more often is the one thing we really, really like. We just let things come and go. Regrets? None. Cause I know we still have our whole lifetime as friends which we can use to make up for the lost time.

We may be far from each other now especially that we're in college. But I believe that there are many ways to bring back our friendship just the way it was once upon a time. She is one of the bestest friends and certainly a very important person in my life. And one thing I'll surely regret is letting go of the chance to bring our friendship back to life. To give it yet another spark. To make us feel within one planet once again.

I love everyone who is a part of my life. They make this life worth living. They make me feel one very lucky girl. So if I may have been hurting someone who is a part of me, no matter how little or big that part is, I am really sorry. And I promise to find balance in giving myself to everyone who needs me and to all those who love me.

This is it for now. Thanks for spending time in reading. See you next post. :')

First Boring Week

First week of second semester is so-so. I mean, it feels like the first sem, not too much excitement and adventure. Maybe because it's just starting and professors are really lazy going to their classes during the first week because of those who wants to prerog in their class.

Tuesday and Wednesday went really..boring. I only have my first class which is Math 100 as my only class since the other classes have missing professors. First week, MIA. Thursday came and CW 10 still did not start. But I had an additional class in the afternoon, Geog 1. My prof is really cool and funny! She looked like she's going to eat us when she first came in but when the introduce-yourself part came, she cracked several jokes and told us some stories that made the class laugh. We also have a Geog Camp in Mango Camp located on Zambales. My friend says Zambales is on the north side of the Philippines and I'm really excited cause I think it would be far. And besides, my crush in Bio 1 is on the same Geog class as mine which means we're going to go to Geog Camp together. Haha. Friday, I already have all my classes. Kas 1 also has a funny prof but he speaks real slow cause he's kinda old. But it's alright, I think Kas 1 will not be too much of a bore. We have so many things to do including lots of group dynamics, papers and one or two field trips. The confirmed field trip will be on December 19 in Bulacan. It's close to Christmas break and I honestly don't want to go there but I don't want to do the paper thingy so I think I'll join. Then came Nat Sci 2 which I think will be one of my favorite subjects minus the quizzes.

My second semester professors are really funny, well, those whom I already met. I wish they will be merciful in giving exams and paper works. I would also like to start feeling like a college student this sem since I did not feel like one last semester. Just wish that everything will be balanced: I would still have time to have fun while feeling like a college student and doing the things I must do. I should also exert more effort so I could have higher grades and a higher GWA. 2.00 and 2.25, please be 1.00 and 1.25. Haha. I know I can do this, so go meeee! Party!

Till next post! :)

For the 7xi

Way back in high school during our Junior year, we thought we lost it all. We thought we went down under. We thought we were far from the top. We thought we were losers. Shit happens most of the time. And what's frustrating about it is that it happens during the time when you least expect it. But then, Senior year came and we really did our best and gave our all. Thank God, we became Champions. We fought, we won, we conquered, we soared. We were declared winners of the last Cheerdance Competition of our high school life and we became the Overall Champion of all the games played in our Intramurals. Yea, we had it all. We tasted victory. We felt the blood of the champions rushing through our veins. Our last year shone with the famous yellow light of victory.

But then, not all people our lucky if not deserving to experience what our batch had. Just today, the Cheerdance Competition of my alma mater, UP Rural High School was held. Seniors ('10-'11) came first and performed their weeks of hardwork and practices. (I was not able to watch them perform since I just came from Diliman for second sem registration.) Then came the Juniors who also gave their best in preparing and in the actual performance. Our dear little Freshies went next and I'm proud to say that they improved a lot and I know that they gave their all in that 7-minute dance. Last but certainly not the least came the Sophies who surprised everyone with their amazing performance. They were the last to perform but as a surprise, they came in first place for this year's competition. (Second to fourth place follows the order of the remaining batches.)

Seniors not declared as champions of the annual Cheerdance Competition happens only once in a blue moon. This year is one of those instances when the oldest member of the student body did not win. Another blue moon event is graduating without a champion title in this annually awaited competition. 7xi (as they call themselves) seems to experience both.

As a cheerer for four years, I know how much it hurts not to win. I know how much it sucks to be disappointed. We experienced it too, when we were Juniors. And I understand what the Seniors might be feeling right now. I understand the feeling of losing. Of maybe disappointing my batchmates who are expecting for us to excel, to win. Especially when they are now on their last year of high school. Seniors must win. This is the norm. And it sucks not to be able to follow even this short sentence. I know, I can feel it too.

When we turned Seniors, we did our very best just to get the crown. Coming from the bottom of the heap, we have to struggle. I know that this school year's Seniors also struggled in their own way just to prepare and to dance for their dear batchmates. What I'm really trying to say is, I still congratulate the Seniors for doing their best. The title does not matter, really. Yes it does, I know, but what is more important is that you enjoyed your last year of rehearsing with each other. This may have come as a shit in the face but you must look at this as a challenge to do better in sports and to show them what 7xi is really worth. I know that you believe in the power of your batch and as long as you stay together, you can do anything. Fight together, win together, lose together, we don't care as long as we stay together.

This blog may look corny or cheesy (or a little bit hypocritical since we were fighting against each other for the title last year) but this is sincere and comes from my heart. Yea, some people may look down on you but who fucking cares? Just still do your best and give your all ( which I know you will do) and by the end of the day, you will be happy and contented with the outcome. Just keep on rocking and partying (like it's the end of the freakin' world), ok? 7xi will still be the best batch ever in the eyes of your batchmates.

Sincerely,
Elma. :)

BB is for Boy Bestfriend

After exploding on my last blog, here I am writing about my guy (not gay, haha) bestfriend. Don't be flattered by this. I just wrote (down there) some reasons why I think it's fun to have a guy bestfriend. So, here they are:

1. I learn things I'll never learn from my girl friends. Example: Can't think of anything in particular. I just know that there is. :))
2. I can release the boy in me. Without anyone thinking that I'm a lesbo. Seriously.
3. I can tell him things girls do that I think are really bitchy. Minus the feeling of becoming a bitch myself. Example: I think she cannot live without a man by her side. Slutty whore. (Haha, this is soooo exaggerated.) 
4. I can tell him almost anything. Even girl stuffs and he'll react but I know he doesn't really mind. Example: (Me) I have my period now and it really hurts! (Him) Yuck! (then tells a joke that will make me forget the pain.)
5. I can cry on his shoulder and he'll just be there to listen. I know I can do this with my boyfriend too but he doesn't know how to comfort me sometimes. We even fought before because I told him I don't feel better and he was offended by what I said. I'm sorry, just being honest. But with my bestfriend, I can cry all day long and I know he won't stop listening. 
6. I can tell him things that I can't tell my boyfriend. Example: A very good example is my every little and big fight with my boyfriend. Of course, I won't tell him that I really hate him during those fights but I can definitely admit that to my bestfriend.
7. He's a guy for crying out loud. Just in case I get tired of the kind of craziness girls have, I have another kind of craziness which I can find in my bestfriend. Example: (Girl friends) Alam mo ba? Nakita ko ung crush ko! Diba ang cute nya?! / You know what? I just saw my crush! And isn't he cute?! (Guy bestfriend) Tara DotA. / Let's play DotA. (even though the DotA thingy happened only once)
8. There are no expectations. This is the one of the best! I am aware that in the best relationships, expectations are not in their dictionary. But what can I do? I'm not living a teenage dream. My relationship with my boyfriend is a little ordinary among the extraordinary so there really comes those times when I expect something from him and he does from me. But with my bestfriend, there are no heartaches, no heart breaks, no unmet expectations. I think friendship is the most carefree relationship among any others. Of course, we should still take care of our friendship with our beloved ones. But this relationship is the one which requires the least 'maintenance', right?
9. He becomes a brother in soul and in heart even if not in blood. My older brother is really a fucker sometimes. I mean, most of the times. He is not my ideal brother. Definitely not. On the other hand, my bestfriend is closer to that ideal brother I have in my mind. He asks me if I'm alright. He talks to me because he just wants to. He shares something about what he feels because he trusts me. These kinds of conversations are part of my ideal sibling relationship. And I'm glad that I have these conversations with my bestfriend.
10. He knows when you are tired of everything happening in your life. Most of teenage girls have their own little drama going on making it impossible for them to notice that someone is in need of them now. For me, boys do handle problems better than girls in their teen years. So it's really handy to have a guy bestfriend especially when your older brother and your boyfriend are part of your drama. You'll have someone to curse the world with when you're feeling a little inside hell and to shout out your fucking feelings when you feel like exploding.

So, there you go. I only gave 10 reasons but there are still many things to say about having a guy bestfriend. You know what? I'm feeling lucky to have someone like this. Oh my, I think I'm being cheesy with this blog. Teehee. Just want to remind you ( yes, YOU) don't get flattered. I'm not praising you. I'm praising myself for having a bestfriend like you. Haha. Just kidding. If you'd like to have a glimpse of how great a writer my bestfriend is, here's a link to his blog: http://witcherry.blogspot.com/ With cherry on the freakin' top, baby!

Haha. Hope you enjoyed. Here's the end. See you next blog! :)

ASAR AKO

Dahil asar ako ngayon, magfi-filipino ako. At di ako mage-enter kahit dapat new paragraph na. Wag lang sanang mabasa to nung isang tao dyan na may blogspot din na may special mention sa blog na to. Akala ko dati maganda kapag ung boyfriend ko at ung bestfriend kong lalake, magkabarkada. Hindi rin pala. Kasi ngayon nabbwiset ako sa fufung overnight na yan na hindi ko naman dapat kabwisitan. Lalo lang akong naaasar dahil sa nararamdaman ko na alam kong hindi ko dapat maramdaman. Wala bang karapatan si Paulo at si Yeshua na mag tugs tugs kasama ang barkada nila? MERON! Kaya Elma, wag kang timang. Okay? Wag kang praning. Wag kang kj. Wag kang ganan. Pero wala akong magagawa, kasi meron talaga tong pinanggagalingan eh. Ayan na naman kasi ung pag-asa sa wala. Wala nga eh tas aasa ka. Kung di mo gets, kung me nagbabasa man nito, wag mo na 'tong igets kasi para lang talaga to sa sarili ko. Okay? Kaya aun nga, umasa na naman sa wala. Walang katapusang pag-asa sa wala. Dun naman nagsimula ung kabadtripan ko eh. At alam mo ba, nadagdagan pa kasi ung inaasahan kong aalis ng kabadtripan ko na un ngang bestfriend ko eh di ko rin naman pala makakausap dahil dun sa fufung overnight na un. Aaaaaaaah. Bakit ba ko ganitooooooo? Bukas feeling ko iddelete ko din to. Kasi natatangahan ako sa ginagawa ko. Hutaena. Eto lang. Eto lang talaga. Promise, eto lang talaga. Yan, tapos na. Bow. :| :| :|

Lonely Night

It became a habit that I call my boyfriend every night at 8.30 pm. We talk about anything under the sun till we drop dead sleeping. But tonight, I'll be sleeping a little bit lonely because I won't be able to call him. It's one of his friend's birthday and I think they're having a boys' sleepover at his friend's house. Why is it that if one of my friends is having an overnight party, he always gets invited? And he is always present in those parties. Why am I not invited to his friends'? Super not fair! Who cares if they're all boys? What are they doing there anyway? Just please, no alcohol. Argh. I just need to let this out so I could sleep a little more peaceful tonight. I thought this would be a happy day because I chatted with my fourth year crush from my college in our university. (Hihihi :>) But luck is not with me the whole day. Shit happens.

Why I heart my friends..

Why do I love my friends so much? Honestly, I also don't quite know. They're the kind of friends whom you can't talk anything serious if we're all together 'cause we'll end up laughing about nonsense unrelated things. That's one reason why I love them. I forget all my problems and even laugh at them 'cause I'll realize how funny my problems are. We haven't been together (the five of us complete) for a very loooong time. The last time we went out complete was way back in May before our high school graduation. After 5 long months, we met each other again! And isn't that day f-u-n? Super fun! Define: FUN.

Just a brief history of our friendship, I, Coleen, Chin, Jonah and Vivien are all in the same class when we were Freshies. But we all have our own lives then except for Coleen, Chin and Vivien who look like they came from the same school because they are instant friends when we all had different elementary schools. When we were in our second year in high school, we had a trip in Corregidor and that's when our group/barkada was formed. So our high school days passed and we still have this friendship (plus some drama, haha. Guess why).We call ourselves the Wild Card (Gang). Why? 'Cause we did some smuggling on our last date on May. Well, we treated ourselves for some drinks and pasta in Cafe Antonio (a.k.a CAnton, LB where some of the Ruralites are fond of hanging out). We decided to keep our straws for remembrance but Jonah doesn't have a drink. So she along with my very dear Martian friend Coleen pretended to arrange the Uno Cards from this cafe but they are secretly getting the Wild Cards from the deck. They took five Wild Cards so that each of us has one. Thus, the name Wild Card (Gang).

Going back, we agreed to meet each other inside Baker Hall, UPLB where the freshmen cheerers (who really are VERY good dancers..NOT! haha) are practicing. When I arrived, only two of my Wild Card friends are already there, Chin and Vivien. I hugged both of them as soon as I saw them and then we continued to watch the on going practice until Little Miss Grown-up Coleen arrived. We were very entertained and awed by the Freshmen's dancing skills. Seriously. Hahaha! Just kidding. Some of them are really pretty and great dancers but all of them put together won't make it to the second place (certainly not like us when we were Freshies). Enough said about them. Let's just see what will happen when the competition comes. >:)

12 noon and we're out of Baker Hall but still, Jonah hadn't arrived yet. She's as on time as she always is. When I called her, we found out that she's still visiting her boyfriend. Nice. Haha. So we just told her to go to Pizza Hut and we'll meet her there. Vivien turned seventeen last October 6 but we did not have the time to celebrate it together and she hadn't treated us yet 'cause we were miles apart (Jonah, Vivien and I are studying in Diliman while Chin and Coleen are in LB) and it's on a school day. Because Vivien is super kind and sweet, she paid for the pizza. Yey! Chin ordered an extra pasta and we added combo platters which include fries, garlic bread and chicken. We were really stuffed by what we ate. Then came the free birthday cupcake from Pizza Hut because we lied that it was Vivien's birthday though it's already through.

After being piggish in Pizza Hut, we went to Coleen's dorm and cooled ourselves with the aircon. It's incredibly hot outside so we decided to stay there for a while. We talked about our college lives and all the things that we missed out on each other. Coleen even showed us this cute little flower which dances and sings 'Build Me Up Buttercup'. It's so cute! Coleen kind of imitated it too and we (especially Chin) burst out laughing with the sight of Coleen. After what seemed like an eternity of talking and laughing about things which aren't really funny if not for our craziness, we went out again to go back to the cheering practices now being held in front of the DL Umali Hall (still inside UPLB).

We rode a jeepney back inside because they were complaining that it's really hot. I would not like to walk alone so I just agreed. There's this thing that happened when we were in the jeepney that really took our breath away..laughing. When Vivien was going up to go inside the jeepney, she stumbled and fell on her knees. Instead of standing up and walking right, she walked while kneeling to go to her seat. Haha! I know I suck in narrating but if you were there you would just die while laughing because of Vivien. (Hahahaha. I love you Vabes!)

We got to DL Umali Hall and said our hellos to our other batchmates. We also watched our dear little freshies dance and do their best (oh really?). I left early because my boyfriend and I kind of dated and walked around the campus. So there, that's our little adventure-slash-get-together-slash-reunion.

I am so happy that we had the chance to see each other again. I really missed my girls and I miss them badly already. I wish happy days would not end. Who wants those days to end anyway? I also long for another happy adventure with the Wild Card. See you guys on Christmas break! I love you all!

Why I heart my friends? I just ♥ them! :)

Airplanes

Remember when I told you about one thing that I know will happen again soon? I think it just happened again. Well, I know and I feel that there really is something wrong but none of us would like to admit it. We talk like we're happy about what we're talking about. We act like we're enjoying what we're doing. We say those three words just to hide what's bothering us. I don't want this blog to just talk about him and us and our stupid little fights cause I want this to be really really fun. But I can't help it. Since I cannot tell him that I'm feeling kind of frustrated and sad about what's happening, I would love to express it somewhere hoping that it would help to ease this nagging feeling.

So, we're gonna talk tonight on the phone and we're going to meet each other tomorrow. I hope everything's fine and back to normal by then. I just hope we're okay. 11.11, please come faster. I could really use a wish right now. :\

Batugan Mode: ON

Boredom days are not yet over. But they are soon to end. I think I only have two weeks of sem break left and I honestly still don't want to go back to school. Believe it or not, I'm enjoying my 'batugan' (lazy) days also known as sem break. There's really nothing to do except watch TV, sit in front of the computer the whole day, sleep, eat and babysit my baby brothers. Sounds like heaven, right? Well, actually no. It's boring, deathly boring to be exact, but I admit I love being a bore here in our house more than going to my classes and be bored with my college professors. I hate sitting in class for hours then walking to the next oh-so-far away building of my next class. Why is UP so big anyway? And why are the jeepneys' routes like that? They are circling the whole campus without going near the actual buildings (e.g. Math and NIP). It's better to walk (and sometimes to run which I luckily haven't experienced just yet) than to ride an Ikot or a Toki. Anyway..

Poor me, I have nothing better to do with these precious days. But I am enjoying with Tumblr and Picnik and Backyard Monsters just a click away. I know what you're thinking right now. You're thinking that this is such a lame way to enjoy when I should be going out and hanging with my friends. A grounded-slash-home-imprisoned girl cannot obviously do that. And I don't have funds (savings = 0) to carry me outside our house except for a few meters away. I repeat, poor me. Poor in many ways including the literal meaning of poor.

So what really are these three things that makes sem break somewhat special? (awww..NOT! Haha.) First is tumblr and I know that everybody knows what tumblr is. I've been editing pictures too using Picnik so I can upload them to tumblr. My photos suck so I'm really sorry about that. Please do check my tumblr page too.. http://iheartpljsh.tumblr.com/ Yey! Reality is better than dreams. True, right? For me it is. Just like what Tom's friend in 500 days of summer when he talks about his girlfriend, "She's better than the girl of my dreams, she's real." See? Reality (is indeed) > Dreams. ♥

Like what I said, I've been editing pictures I took myself and pictures I just got from Google (haha) using Picnik. What in the world is picnik? Well, it's a site where anyone who suck in real photoshops can edit their pictures and put effects and texts on them. Now you have an idea on my photoshop-ing abilities. I suck at it! http://www.picnik.com is the site and I'd like to share it with you! So if you suck like me, you better start using this. And, yea, you're welcome. :)

The last one is not a website unlike the two others mentioned above. It's an application in facebook (I'm not giving you a link of Facebook cause even toddlers and infants and babies and pets know what the hell Facebook is) and it's really awesome! Awesome, did I just say that? It looks awesome if you have nothing, and by this I mean nothing, to do. You create your own Town Hall and Twig Snappers and many other buildings and you create your own monsters and fight with other people who use Backyard Monsters. Awesome, right? I don't really think so. I'm just completely bored. To death.

And did I already mention that our cable is really crappy because they removerd ETC and Jack from our channels? We already called and they said they will check on it but up until now they're acting kinda lazy (like me) and they still haven't. I think they're also having their 'batugan' mode on and enjoying their own sem break. Shitty cable. No more Glee, The Vampire Diaries and Gossip Girl for me. ETC is my only source for these and they removed it. Croowell. Think I'll just download them.

That's all for now folks. See you next post! :)

Confessions of a (Insert Adjective Here) Girlfriend

I never saw myself as the everything's-alright-type of girl. I never accepted anything just the way it is even when dealing with my parents and my friends. I always look for ways to say that I am right and I still believe that I am right even when proven wrong. Yea, kind of tough (I think) and hard-headed.

But everything changed because of this man I know. A freshman in college just like me. Average height (but he looks kinda tall when standing beside me, I'm not really short, I just don't know his actual height, haha). Average intelligence (well, compared to other UP students. Of course, he's smarter than the vast majority not studying in UP. Haha. All Maroons are.) Average weight (this is some kind of a lie because he's a little over the underweight line.) Has lots of sense of humor ( he'll make you laugh in a jiffy if you're close to him, he's a little shy with strangers). And so on.. I can continue on and on in describing this guy so I better end there. Looks like he's just an ordinary man, right? Well, for you he may be like that. But for me, he's really special. And he happens to be my (would you call it) boy.. Okay, can't say the word. Weird me, I know. He's my boyfriend.

I don't know why I'm saying this now especially when we're in good terms again. Yea, we just had a fight and we were close to that breaking point. It always happens when we are fighting and I know that in the near future this scenario will be happening again. Besides, two people in love with each other will never know what they can do together if they don't know how to test their relationship. Am I making sense? Haha. I mean, fights like this would make our relationship stronger. A person would not know the true meaning of happiness if he/she does not know how to be sad, right? Same goes with any other emotions which are binary oppositions of each other (you'll never appreciate being rich if you never experienced being poor. Haha.)

So like what I'm saying, I never saw myself as accepting as this. Well, he's the type that says sorry a lot of times even if he did nothing wrong. Kind of passive. I'll bet that if you're the girl, you'll say..'Aw! He's so sweet, he knows how to say sorry.' Well, if this happens over and over again and all you hear is 'sorry' and 'sorry' and 'sorry' plus a lot of different excuses, there would come a time that it would be tiring to hear these sorry's and excuses. And before our one big fight (Go Ateneo! Lol.), my ears are getting irritated of these endless apologies and reasoning. Sometimes, I blame myself for feeling like this. But what can I do? Everything has its own saturation point.

There are times when I feel like I'm the only one doing something to make this work. I call a lot of times just to hear his voice and to know if he's alright. If I were him I won't answer the calls anymore because it wastes my cellphone's battery and besides, the connection is pretty lame. Long-distance relationship is really hard. We don't get to see each other every time and it sucks when the time when we last saw each other gets long. Now, I'm freakin grounded and I can't go out and I don't have money and he doesn't want to go here and I don't know what else I can do.

I think I'm not making sense anymore. Well, love is also like that, isn't it? Love is being stupid together (quoted from Elder Futhark. haha.) So, I'm being stupid and I think he is too and yea, love. Haha. I just want to share something about what I'm feeling now after 27 months. I know that our relationship is not yet that long. But I know that we still have years and years of future together ahead of us and this shitty problems will be gone soon. And if you believe in fairies, I (we) believe that forever is real. Uyeah!

Nonsense blabber. Haha. Tenkshuu~

A first for everything.

So, here's my first post here. Well, I made this late in the evening and my brain's already asleep at this time so I'm really sorry for the crappy background and the shitty layout. Not a pro. Haha. I have so many friends blogging here already and my best friend is kind of persuading me to make one too. So, here it is! I really have nothing important to share now because I'm already sleepy and yea, I know I'm just talking nonsense. So just to 'baptize' my new blogging site/account/page/whatever, I'm writing this now. And for your sake, whoever you are reading this now, I'm ending this shit. Goodnight! (Well, it is night now while I'm writing this.) And thank you so much for wasting your time. Ciao! :)