Seventeen

I'll be turning seventeen on Tuesday, November 30. And for all those seventeen years, there's this one person who has always been there to support and guide me. I can't say that I've been good to her all the time. In fact, I often give her headaches. But still, she never left my side and even watched my every step as I become the person I am now. I know you're guessing who I'm talking about by now. Yes you're right, she is my mom.


She is the best mom for me (as your mom is for you, I know). She may not be my ideal mother but who gets their ideal people in their lives anyway? So no matter how many good mothers are out there who I think are closer to the ideal, I would still choose my mom over them. 'Cause she's the best!

But me? I never appreciated all the things she does. Not until now. Not until I saw how good a mother she is and how much she is willing to sacrifice for me, for us, her children. Just like any mother I know, she does her best to provide us with all we need, with all she has. With my dad (who is a really great father too), my mom establishes not only a house but a home. What makes what they do special is that they are doing it for us. For our family.

With that, my mom becomes more special because..

She may sometimes look like she does not hear a thing I say, but I know she is listening to every word I utter. She may be looking somewhere else when I need her to look at me, but I know she sees every thing and every move I make. She may seem like she's thinking about everything else when I want her to think about me, but I know I can find myself in her heart even if her mind's occupied.

And with my seventeenth birthday coming up (goodbye sweet sixteen!), I want to share this special day with her and of course, my family, friends and all the people who have been there all those years. I want to celebrate my life with the person who gave me this life in the first place.

So, I want to thank you mom for giving me this life. Thank you for carrying me in your tummy for nine months. Thank you for breastfeeding me when I was a baby. Thank you for being there when I smiled my first smile. Thank you for guiding me when I made my first step. Thank you for hearing the first word I said. Thank you for being patient when I had my tantrums. Thank you for disciplining me when I did something wrong. Thank you for being there in my first day of school. Thank you for supporting me in every decision I make. Thank you for molding me to become me. Thank you for still being there no matter how hard-headed I am. Thank you for not leaving me even if I become stupid sometimes. Thank you for this day (November 26) for surprising me with a very pleasant surprise. Thank you for giving me everything that I need and want.

And lastly, thank you for loving me just the way I am. (When I see your face..Haha, just kidding.) I love you so much mom! And to my dad, I love you too Pa! Thank you God for giving me such wonderful people as my parents.

I love everyone who loves me. Happy birthday to me! :)

28 months old

Guess what? It's our 28th 22 tomorrow! Yey! Ok, I know we are the only people excited with this but just say 'yey!' for me! YEY! Haha. Every month, I always see to it that I think of something to give him. Well, it just started when we turned 2 years old. This time, I made a collage of our pictures, kind of edited it and put on some texts to make it look like this..

If you can't read what the text on the middle part is, it just says 'Happy Monthsarry'. Ce and Cee is what we call each other because they stand for fiance and fiancee. We call each other Nini before because we thought it's really unique. But we found out that his friend and his friend's girlfriend are calling each other that too. So we changed it to Ce and Cee! Just like to share. :)

So, I was making this 'gift' for him. I thought of posting this tomorrow (22!) because it's really our monthsarry but he has a class and I'm going back to Diliman tomorrow anyway so I posted it now. He said he was surprised with what I did and I was surprised that he is surprised. I think this is just a little thing to be surprised of. But still, I am so happy that we are already 28 months old (and still counting). Haha. I also love to make him happy with everything I do for him. He even told me he is so lucky to have me so he'll never let me go. Sheeez. Sweet. :)

Super cheesy blog! Haha. See you. ♥

Rant.

We keep on hurting the people who love us because we know that they will still be there no matter what.


I've been thinking about this line I saw somewhere on Tumblr. And I believe I must agree on what this line says. Does it apply to me? I think so. I am so lucky to have many people love me the way I am. I am blessed to have a super loving family, a bunch of cool and trustworthy friends and a caring boyfriend who are all there whenever I need them. But what do I do? I keep doing things that hurt them. I know that I don't deserve having these people in my life with me being irrational and numb sometimes, well, most of the times. But I think God gave me these people just to show me that life is great and beautiful and will always be that way no matter what happens. They also help me to become better. I'm still young so I know that I will outgrow whatever shitty things I am doing now. And by the time I become a better me, the best me, these people will still be there and I'll happily reciprocate every help, every kind word, every advice and every little thing they gave me.

Being a little dramatic tonight? Haha. Next time. :)

Happily Never After

She used to not care about anything around her. People come and go, things fade from the horizon. The sun rises then sinks after everyday.

But one thing changed her. One person came that made her see the world she never gave notice. She saw what she never saw before. She felt what like an impossible feeling. After living an empty life except for herself and only herself, she began to feel everything all at once. Love, hope, serenity.

But change is the only constant thing in this world. Everything comes then goes and fades. Everything within reach will be out of our bounds sooner than later. Everything possible happening now will become an impossible reality.

He said hello then waved goodbye. One second she was falling in love, now she is breaking into pieces. A promise of forever turned into a mere sentence. Everything she thought was possible went back into impossibilities. She was again left alone in an empty world with only herself. She was back inside..alone.

She did not expect to fall so hard only to find herself broken on the floor. He said he would be there ready to catch her anytime. But he did not stay. He was not there when she needed him most. Just like any other thing in her life, he was gone in an instant. He dissolved to the stars she would never reach. He vanished, she lost him. And he will never be there anymore. He will not come back.

As she lay on the floor thinking about everything that happened, every stupid belief, every broken promise, the thought of being alone struck her. Now she knows he'll never hold her again in her arms. She'll never touch his face anymore. They can never look at each other's eyes again for what felt like an eternity. They will never kiss each other again like it's the last day of the entire universe. She never believed in fairy tales but he made her. And now, their happily ever after, her forever, turned into happily never after.

As the sun rested in the horizon readying itself to go to sleep, she stood. She look at the sun touching the cheek of the sea. She already had enough of everything leaving her. She has herself. She'll love herself like no other has ever loved her.

She stared at the sea and the sun, took a deep breath and said, I'll never let another teardrop fall as the skies turned blue and the stars appeared blinking at her endlessly.

Came up with this when I listened to Happily Never After of Nicole Scherzinger. Just wanted to write something before I go back to school. Thanks for reading! See you next post. :)

BV's eating me.

I've been sound tripping to bring back my GV. Good vibes! GV. GV. GV. GV. GV. But this feeling of being pissed off won't go away. Thank God it became less when I talked with my bestest friends. GV! Why am I annoyed anyway? Just because. No, kidding. I saw something that put the red lights on. I'm not really this jelly when HE talks to girls but with this one, I don't know. It really pisses me off when they talk like that. It's not bad to be friendly but friendliness is very different from flirting. They both start with the letter F just like food, feet or fuck but they are found on two opposite poles of their meanings.

1. Friendly (frend-lee) - characteristic of or befitting a friend; showing friendship.
2. Flirt (flurt) - to court triflingly or act amorously without serious intentions; play at love; coquet

See the big fucking difference? So if you are being friendly, why are you acting like you're flirting instead? Oh God, I can express what I'm feeling right now if I speak Filipino. But just to be decent (and to hold myself from exploding like a crazy war freak), I'm writing this in English. You know what, you look nice (like me) so for your (and my) benefit, I'm not gonna start a stupid fight. I've seen so many girls like you before so don't tell me I'm getting this wrong. No I'm fucking not. Okay? He is in a relationship just like his relationship status in Facebook. He has a girlfriend. He is taken. If you don't understand what I'm saying, I think you don't deserve to be in UP. 'Cause Maroons are really freakin smart and not getting what I'm telling here is kind of being dumb.

I'm not a war freak. I don't say things if I don't have to. Just stop flirting with him. He's mine. Get it? Hope you do.

This is one stupid blog and I hate it. Don't read it! Oh well, by now you probably read all that I wrote here already. Am I acting stupid? Maybe. Maybe I'm just imitating y..Oh crap, I should shut the hell up. Now done. Next blog guys.

(GV! GV! GV! GV! GV!)

Just wondering..

How much can you give someone you love? Are you willing to give everything you have? Dramatic first lines? I know. I was just thinking about things I am willing to and was able to sacrifice for the people I love. I know I've been unfair in giving a little part of my heart to everyone I love. I gave more to someone than another. And I was wondering if I made a smart choice in doing so. What if I showed my love more to my parents by obeying them before rather than telling them lies just to be with my friends? What if I did this than that? But I thought, mistakes are useless if you look at them as regrets. Instead, mistakes should be tools to grow, to learn, to make up, to be better.

I've been giving everything I can to this boy I really love. I don't regret giving him my attention and time. What I don't realize is that I've been neglecting other important people in my life, like my friends. I have this amazing friend whom I feel like I know my whole life even though we just met in high school. We have been best friends since second year high school up until now. But we are not like we were before. Things do change, even our relationships with the people around us. This girl and I may still be best friends but we are not that close anymore. I have this feeling that we are drifting apart.

Last night, we talked online about our feelings towards our friendship. During the past four years of our relationship, many things happened which may have caused our growing apart. Different interests are one reason why we feel like we're not that close anymore. My relationship with my boyfriend is another because like what I said, I've been giving him as much attention and time as I can to him. I never knew that she had been keeping things from me. Like why she seems to be going away from me. And it hurts to know just now that I have been responsible for these things. We have so many things we wished we did together but never had because we were keeping things from each other. In fact, we were giving each other things that we thought were best for one another. What we don't know is that being together more often is the one thing we really, really like. We just let things come and go. Regrets? None. Cause I know we still have our whole lifetime as friends which we can use to make up for the lost time.

We may be far from each other now especially that we're in college. But I believe that there are many ways to bring back our friendship just the way it was once upon a time. She is one of the bestest friends and certainly a very important person in my life. And one thing I'll surely regret is letting go of the chance to bring our friendship back to life. To give it yet another spark. To make us feel within one planet once again.

I love everyone who is a part of my life. They make this life worth living. They make me feel one very lucky girl. So if I may have been hurting someone who is a part of me, no matter how little or big that part is, I am really sorry. And I promise to find balance in giving myself to everyone who needs me and to all those who love me.

This is it for now. Thanks for spending time in reading. See you next post. :')

First Boring Week

First week of second semester is so-so. I mean, it feels like the first sem, not too much excitement and adventure. Maybe because it's just starting and professors are really lazy going to their classes during the first week because of those who wants to prerog in their class.

Tuesday and Wednesday went really..boring. I only have my first class which is Math 100 as my only class since the other classes have missing professors. First week, MIA. Thursday came and CW 10 still did not start. But I had an additional class in the afternoon, Geog 1. My prof is really cool and funny! She looked like she's going to eat us when she first came in but when the introduce-yourself part came, she cracked several jokes and told us some stories that made the class laugh. We also have a Geog Camp in Mango Camp located on Zambales. My friend says Zambales is on the north side of the Philippines and I'm really excited cause I think it would be far. And besides, my crush in Bio 1 is on the same Geog class as mine which means we're going to go to Geog Camp together. Haha. Friday, I already have all my classes. Kas 1 also has a funny prof but he speaks real slow cause he's kinda old. But it's alright, I think Kas 1 will not be too much of a bore. We have so many things to do including lots of group dynamics, papers and one or two field trips. The confirmed field trip will be on December 19 in Bulacan. It's close to Christmas break and I honestly don't want to go there but I don't want to do the paper thingy so I think I'll join. Then came Nat Sci 2 which I think will be one of my favorite subjects minus the quizzes.

My second semester professors are really funny, well, those whom I already met. I wish they will be merciful in giving exams and paper works. I would also like to start feeling like a college student this sem since I did not feel like one last semester. Just wish that everything will be balanced: I would still have time to have fun while feeling like a college student and doing the things I must do. I should also exert more effort so I could have higher grades and a higher GWA. 2.00 and 2.25, please be 1.00 and 1.25. Haha. I know I can do this, so go meeee! Party!

Till next post! :)

For the 7xi

Way back in high school during our Junior year, we thought we lost it all. We thought we went down under. We thought we were far from the top. We thought we were losers. Shit happens most of the time. And what's frustrating about it is that it happens during the time when you least expect it. But then, Senior year came and we really did our best and gave our all. Thank God, we became Champions. We fought, we won, we conquered, we soared. We were declared winners of the last Cheerdance Competition of our high school life and we became the Overall Champion of all the games played in our Intramurals. Yea, we had it all. We tasted victory. We felt the blood of the champions rushing through our veins. Our last year shone with the famous yellow light of victory.

But then, not all people our lucky if not deserving to experience what our batch had. Just today, the Cheerdance Competition of my alma mater, UP Rural High School was held. Seniors ('10-'11) came first and performed their weeks of hardwork and practices. (I was not able to watch them perform since I just came from Diliman for second sem registration.) Then came the Juniors who also gave their best in preparing and in the actual performance. Our dear little Freshies went next and I'm proud to say that they improved a lot and I know that they gave their all in that 7-minute dance. Last but certainly not the least came the Sophies who surprised everyone with their amazing performance. They were the last to perform but as a surprise, they came in first place for this year's competition. (Second to fourth place follows the order of the remaining batches.)

Seniors not declared as champions of the annual Cheerdance Competition happens only once in a blue moon. This year is one of those instances when the oldest member of the student body did not win. Another blue moon event is graduating without a champion title in this annually awaited competition. 7xi (as they call themselves) seems to experience both.

As a cheerer for four years, I know how much it hurts not to win. I know how much it sucks to be disappointed. We experienced it too, when we were Juniors. And I understand what the Seniors might be feeling right now. I understand the feeling of losing. Of maybe disappointing my batchmates who are expecting for us to excel, to win. Especially when they are now on their last year of high school. Seniors must win. This is the norm. And it sucks not to be able to follow even this short sentence. I know, I can feel it too.

When we turned Seniors, we did our very best just to get the crown. Coming from the bottom of the heap, we have to struggle. I know that this school year's Seniors also struggled in their own way just to prepare and to dance for their dear batchmates. What I'm really trying to say is, I still congratulate the Seniors for doing their best. The title does not matter, really. Yes it does, I know, but what is more important is that you enjoyed your last year of rehearsing with each other. This may have come as a shit in the face but you must look at this as a challenge to do better in sports and to show them what 7xi is really worth. I know that you believe in the power of your batch and as long as you stay together, you can do anything. Fight together, win together, lose together, we don't care as long as we stay together.

This blog may look corny or cheesy (or a little bit hypocritical since we were fighting against each other for the title last year) but this is sincere and comes from my heart. Yea, some people may look down on you but who fucking cares? Just still do your best and give your all ( which I know you will do) and by the end of the day, you will be happy and contented with the outcome. Just keep on rocking and partying (like it's the end of the freakin' world), ok? 7xi will still be the best batch ever in the eyes of your batchmates.

Sincerely,
Elma. :)

BB is for Boy Bestfriend

After exploding on my last blog, here I am writing about my guy (not gay, haha) bestfriend. Don't be flattered by this. I just wrote (down there) some reasons why I think it's fun to have a guy bestfriend. So, here they are:

1. I learn things I'll never learn from my girl friends. Example: Can't think of anything in particular. I just know that there is. :))
2. I can release the boy in me. Without anyone thinking that I'm a lesbo. Seriously.
3. I can tell him things girls do that I think are really bitchy. Minus the feeling of becoming a bitch myself. Example: I think she cannot live without a man by her side. Slutty whore. (Haha, this is soooo exaggerated.) 
4. I can tell him almost anything. Even girl stuffs and he'll react but I know he doesn't really mind. Example: (Me) I have my period now and it really hurts! (Him) Yuck! (then tells a joke that will make me forget the pain.)
5. I can cry on his shoulder and he'll just be there to listen. I know I can do this with my boyfriend too but he doesn't know how to comfort me sometimes. We even fought before because I told him I don't feel better and he was offended by what I said. I'm sorry, just being honest. But with my bestfriend, I can cry all day long and I know he won't stop listening. 
6. I can tell him things that I can't tell my boyfriend. Example: A very good example is my every little and big fight with my boyfriend. Of course, I won't tell him that I really hate him during those fights but I can definitely admit that to my bestfriend.
7. He's a guy for crying out loud. Just in case I get tired of the kind of craziness girls have, I have another kind of craziness which I can find in my bestfriend. Example: (Girl friends) Alam mo ba? Nakita ko ung crush ko! Diba ang cute nya?! / You know what? I just saw my crush! And isn't he cute?! (Guy bestfriend) Tara DotA. / Let's play DotA. (even though the DotA thingy happened only once)
8. There are no expectations. This is the one of the best! I am aware that in the best relationships, expectations are not in their dictionary. But what can I do? I'm not living a teenage dream. My relationship with my boyfriend is a little ordinary among the extraordinary so there really comes those times when I expect something from him and he does from me. But with my bestfriend, there are no heartaches, no heart breaks, no unmet expectations. I think friendship is the most carefree relationship among any others. Of course, we should still take care of our friendship with our beloved ones. But this relationship is the one which requires the least 'maintenance', right?
9. He becomes a brother in soul and in heart even if not in blood. My older brother is really a fucker sometimes. I mean, most of the times. He is not my ideal brother. Definitely not. On the other hand, my bestfriend is closer to that ideal brother I have in my mind. He asks me if I'm alright. He talks to me because he just wants to. He shares something about what he feels because he trusts me. These kinds of conversations are part of my ideal sibling relationship. And I'm glad that I have these conversations with my bestfriend.
10. He knows when you are tired of everything happening in your life. Most of teenage girls have their own little drama going on making it impossible for them to notice that someone is in need of them now. For me, boys do handle problems better than girls in their teen years. So it's really handy to have a guy bestfriend especially when your older brother and your boyfriend are part of your drama. You'll have someone to curse the world with when you're feeling a little inside hell and to shout out your fucking feelings when you feel like exploding.

So, there you go. I only gave 10 reasons but there are still many things to say about having a guy bestfriend. You know what? I'm feeling lucky to have someone like this. Oh my, I think I'm being cheesy with this blog. Teehee. Just want to remind you ( yes, YOU) don't get flattered. I'm not praising you. I'm praising myself for having a bestfriend like you. Haha. Just kidding. If you'd like to have a glimpse of how great a writer my bestfriend is, here's a link to his blog: http://witcherry.blogspot.com/ With cherry on the freakin' top, baby!

Haha. Hope you enjoyed. Here's the end. See you next blog! :)

ASAR AKO

Dahil asar ako ngayon, magfi-filipino ako. At di ako mage-enter kahit dapat new paragraph na. Wag lang sanang mabasa to nung isang tao dyan na may blogspot din na may special mention sa blog na to. Akala ko dati maganda kapag ung boyfriend ko at ung bestfriend kong lalake, magkabarkada. Hindi rin pala. Kasi ngayon nabbwiset ako sa fufung overnight na yan na hindi ko naman dapat kabwisitan. Lalo lang akong naaasar dahil sa nararamdaman ko na alam kong hindi ko dapat maramdaman. Wala bang karapatan si Paulo at si Yeshua na mag tugs tugs kasama ang barkada nila? MERON! Kaya Elma, wag kang timang. Okay? Wag kang praning. Wag kang kj. Wag kang ganan. Pero wala akong magagawa, kasi meron talaga tong pinanggagalingan eh. Ayan na naman kasi ung pag-asa sa wala. Wala nga eh tas aasa ka. Kung di mo gets, kung me nagbabasa man nito, wag mo na 'tong igets kasi para lang talaga to sa sarili ko. Okay? Kaya aun nga, umasa na naman sa wala. Walang katapusang pag-asa sa wala. Dun naman nagsimula ung kabadtripan ko eh. At alam mo ba, nadagdagan pa kasi ung inaasahan kong aalis ng kabadtripan ko na un ngang bestfriend ko eh di ko rin naman pala makakausap dahil dun sa fufung overnight na un. Aaaaaaaah. Bakit ba ko ganitooooooo? Bukas feeling ko iddelete ko din to. Kasi natatangahan ako sa ginagawa ko. Hutaena. Eto lang. Eto lang talaga. Promise, eto lang talaga. Yan, tapos na. Bow. :| :| :|

Lonely Night

It became a habit that I call my boyfriend every night at 8.30 pm. We talk about anything under the sun till we drop dead sleeping. But tonight, I'll be sleeping a little bit lonely because I won't be able to call him. It's one of his friend's birthday and I think they're having a boys' sleepover at his friend's house. Why is it that if one of my friends is having an overnight party, he always gets invited? And he is always present in those parties. Why am I not invited to his friends'? Super not fair! Who cares if they're all boys? What are they doing there anyway? Just please, no alcohol. Argh. I just need to let this out so I could sleep a little more peaceful tonight. I thought this would be a happy day because I chatted with my fourth year crush from my college in our university. (Hihihi :>) But luck is not with me the whole day. Shit happens.

Why I heart my friends..

Why do I love my friends so much? Honestly, I also don't quite know. They're the kind of friends whom you can't talk anything serious if we're all together 'cause we'll end up laughing about nonsense unrelated things. That's one reason why I love them. I forget all my problems and even laugh at them 'cause I'll realize how funny my problems are. We haven't been together (the five of us complete) for a very loooong time. The last time we went out complete was way back in May before our high school graduation. After 5 long months, we met each other again! And isn't that day f-u-n? Super fun! Define: FUN.

Just a brief history of our friendship, I, Coleen, Chin, Jonah and Vivien are all in the same class when we were Freshies. But we all have our own lives then except for Coleen, Chin and Vivien who look like they came from the same school because they are instant friends when we all had different elementary schools. When we were in our second year in high school, we had a trip in Corregidor and that's when our group/barkada was formed. So our high school days passed and we still have this friendship (plus some drama, haha. Guess why).We call ourselves the Wild Card (Gang). Why? 'Cause we did some smuggling on our last date on May. Well, we treated ourselves for some drinks and pasta in Cafe Antonio (a.k.a CAnton, LB where some of the Ruralites are fond of hanging out). We decided to keep our straws for remembrance but Jonah doesn't have a drink. So she along with my very dear Martian friend Coleen pretended to arrange the Uno Cards from this cafe but they are secretly getting the Wild Cards from the deck. They took five Wild Cards so that each of us has one. Thus, the name Wild Card (Gang).

Going back, we agreed to meet each other inside Baker Hall, UPLB where the freshmen cheerers (who really are VERY good dancers..NOT! haha) are practicing. When I arrived, only two of my Wild Card friends are already there, Chin and Vivien. I hugged both of them as soon as I saw them and then we continued to watch the on going practice until Little Miss Grown-up Coleen arrived. We were very entertained and awed by the Freshmen's dancing skills. Seriously. Hahaha! Just kidding. Some of them are really pretty and great dancers but all of them put together won't make it to the second place (certainly not like us when we were Freshies). Enough said about them. Let's just see what will happen when the competition comes. >:)

12 noon and we're out of Baker Hall but still, Jonah hadn't arrived yet. She's as on time as she always is. When I called her, we found out that she's still visiting her boyfriend. Nice. Haha. So we just told her to go to Pizza Hut and we'll meet her there. Vivien turned seventeen last October 6 but we did not have the time to celebrate it together and she hadn't treated us yet 'cause we were miles apart (Jonah, Vivien and I are studying in Diliman while Chin and Coleen are in LB) and it's on a school day. Because Vivien is super kind and sweet, she paid for the pizza. Yey! Chin ordered an extra pasta and we added combo platters which include fries, garlic bread and chicken. We were really stuffed by what we ate. Then came the free birthday cupcake from Pizza Hut because we lied that it was Vivien's birthday though it's already through.

After being piggish in Pizza Hut, we went to Coleen's dorm and cooled ourselves with the aircon. It's incredibly hot outside so we decided to stay there for a while. We talked about our college lives and all the things that we missed out on each other. Coleen even showed us this cute little flower which dances and sings 'Build Me Up Buttercup'. It's so cute! Coleen kind of imitated it too and we (especially Chin) burst out laughing with the sight of Coleen. After what seemed like an eternity of talking and laughing about things which aren't really funny if not for our craziness, we went out again to go back to the cheering practices now being held in front of the DL Umali Hall (still inside UPLB).

We rode a jeepney back inside because they were complaining that it's really hot. I would not like to walk alone so I just agreed. There's this thing that happened when we were in the jeepney that really took our breath away..laughing. When Vivien was going up to go inside the jeepney, she stumbled and fell on her knees. Instead of standing up and walking right, she walked while kneeling to go to her seat. Haha! I know I suck in narrating but if you were there you would just die while laughing because of Vivien. (Hahahaha. I love you Vabes!)

We got to DL Umali Hall and said our hellos to our other batchmates. We also watched our dear little freshies dance and do their best (oh really?). I left early because my boyfriend and I kind of dated and walked around the campus. So there, that's our little adventure-slash-get-together-slash-reunion.

I am so happy that we had the chance to see each other again. I really missed my girls and I miss them badly already. I wish happy days would not end. Who wants those days to end anyway? I also long for another happy adventure with the Wild Card. See you guys on Christmas break! I love you all!

Why I heart my friends? I just ♥ them! :)