Yeah.

I'm tired of pretending that it's okay but I can't help it. I guess I hurt twice when I get mad. I mean, if I don't talk to him, the pain doubles. Can you get it? Like I'd rather swallow my pride and keep the hell I'm feeling than ignore him until I feel better. Cause I know I will never feel better if I ignore him. He's so passive that I often feel I am so bad, I always hurt him and things like that. But when I really think about it, I'm the one who just makes things pass. Okay, it's not his fault that he does not know anything about being a boyfriend when we started. But after two years? Shouldn't he be more sensitive about what I feel? And shouldn't he know by now when I need something from him? Like attention, and time, and effort. It's not like I'm counting what I can do for him and what he cannot do for me. I'm just a seventeen year old girl who needs those things from her boyfriend like any other seventeen year old girls.

So if he reads this, I'm dead. He's going to get emo and say sorry and such. But I don't need any sorry's from him because he did not do anything wrong in the first place. I just want him to balance things out. And not make me feel like I'm doing more. Shouldn't I be doing that for myself? I don't really know.

All I have to do is shut up and let this pass. And try to make me love myself more so I won't feel terrible. Gooosh. The end.